| Sunday |
| You see what you want to see |
For those of you who have watched the movie The Number 23, i am certain that you understand the meaning of my title; You see what you want to see. This is the first time i walked away from a psychological thriller feeling rather enlightened, as oppose to long miserable nightmares.
I'll give you a brief rundown trying not to spoil the film.
Living a supposedly stable and ordinary life with loving wife and teenage son, walter sparrow (Jim Carey) was a man with no worries, until one unlucky day, he was given a book the number 23 by his wife, when his life flipped and the past returns to haunt him. Over the course of a few days, walter becomes obsessed with the events in the book in which the main character seemingly followed a life identical to his. The number 23 brings upon unpleasant thoughts and memories for walter, driving him insane and soon his life spirals in on him. The simple number 23 brought with it a life full of love, hate, sex and suicide.
The number 23 engima derives from the Discordian belief that all events are connected to the number 23, given enough ingenuity on the part of the interpreter. Just like The Law of Fives states simply that: all things happen in fives, or are divisible by or are multiples of five, or are somehow directly or indirectly appropriate to 5. The Laws of Fives is a symbol, just like the number 23, for the observation of reality changing that which is being observed in the observer's mind. Just like when you set out shopping for a yellow shirt, suddenly every shop you pass you notice all the yellow items, when one looks for fives in reality, one finds them. So will one find conspiracies when one decides to look for them. One cannot be wrong as the mind has the power to perceive truth in anything and everything, when you want it to, thus it comes as no surprise that one can find a numerological significance to anything, provided sufficient cleverness.
The principle of life is that life responds by corresponding; your life becomes the thing you have decided it shall be.
For Carey, he subconciously becomes obsessed in the number 23 that he would managed to relate all things in life to that very number. Whether it's through division, addition, multiplication or subtraction, and even through the manipulation of irrelevant numerals such as 5 (2+3) and 32 (23 flipped), Carey strives to obtain his target. It is no wonder how this drove him to the brink of sanity.
Seeing what you want to see can be regarded as narrow mindedness, stubbornness and even ignorance. This type of selective sighting can bring you happinness and sadness, and even madness. |
posted by sciurine @ 3:08 PM   |
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| Monday |
| strong believer of retail therapy |
I would believe that most females out there would understand the significance of calming one self through the therapeutic use of what we like to refer to as retail therapy. I am no doubt a strong believer in such remedy, but like ice, such benefits are often costly and are accompanied by post-therapeutic adverse reactions.
I resigned at the clinic on Friday, which means i will need to start saving for my overseas trip by cleverly tucking away every penny i now earn from sports training alone. Which also essentially means that i need to learn to stop finding ridiculous excuses for spontaneous shopping sprees. But similar to breaking up, where you have one last kiss, or when you indulge yourself in a one last drink at a pub before you leave, i figure it will be no harm pampering myself one last time before embarking on my penurious journey.
It would be balantly obvious that i am lying if i told you i simply wanted to enjoy the shopping experience and had no mission in mind. Oh, i had a mission all right. I wanted to find some black boots suitable for clinics. Like a strong women on a mission, i thought i could march my way pass all other retail outlets and reach Sandlers Shoe Shop without being distracted. But my ego got the better of me, and i surrendered to the ever-so-tempting clothes outlets, that i could swear were whispering come in, come in to me. I ended up using my "savings" card twice that day, and all the cash i had on me, which accumulated to an unspeakable amount.
As overwhelmingly exciting that experience was, reality smacked me in the face when i got home. I realised i had to put in for mum's 50th birthday present, which was a three digit number. Then to pay for a damned police check for clinics, birthday presents, meanwhile, realising my petrol tank was running low. Sometimes i wished i thought more of consequences before diving into the deep end. But alas, what's done 'tis done. I wonder if it is ever worth paying such a hefty fee for a mere three hours of therapy, only to suffer enormous adverse effects afterwards. Just like a foot massage, where you indulge in an over-priced 15 minutes worth plantar fascia release, only to walk out with the recently pampered feet, hike to the train station and stand for the whole ride back home, only to find that your feet are aching again. Nonetheless, i am in desperate need of one - really.
Onto another point, we went out to celebrate mum's 50th tonight, with a rather expensive and scrumptous dinner. Only took photos of some dishes 'cause i think the chef thought i was stealing his recipe ideas...
Most interesting dish of the night was by far, this deep-fried taro-wrapped duck with mushroom sauce. oh yummy.
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| posted by sciurine @ 12:11 PM |
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| Wednesday |
| suggestions, please! |
I'm not normally someone who struggles to put a pen to paper, aside from during university lectures and exams, but tonight it just doesn't seem to do it for me. I've spent the last 20 minutes scrounging around for ideas on how to write a damn resignation letter to my reception job. So far i've come up with this;
Dear M/J,
I am writing to inform you of my resignation.
Yours truly,
What else should i put in the letter? I mean, i've known my managers and supervisors too well and for too long to be writing something over-the-top formal, but i don't want to make it so casual that the letter is just some fluff.
Suggestions as to how i should approach this seemingly easy yet overly difficult task, would be kindly appreciated. |
| posted by sciurine @ 7:48 PM |
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| Tuesday |
| this, is when you know there are boys in the house |
*sighs*
You would think that a 18 year old and a 23 year old males would know how to change the toliet roll... |
| posted by sciurine @ 7:30 PM |
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| Monday |
| in an attempt to spread happiness |
Easter Saturday
I had to muster up so much internal motivation to get myself out of the house for a run around the park. It's not because i'm lazy - or maybe it is - but i could hardly imagine walking around the park without my pup anymore. Yes, it's sad and the feeling of loneliness freaks me out a little. I know i should be over it by now, and i am, but it's moments like these that if she was by my side, i wouldn't have had to try so hard in motivating myself. Nonetheless, i ended up running around the park for my good fix of endorphins. It sure did me good.
I noticed a lot of unfamiliar cars parked along the side of my street. Every festive season, young families and relatives from interstate would come down to Clayton to visit their grandparents, given that Clayton is invested with old grannies and grandpas. As i made my way to the park, a little old lady who was walking her little puppy around the block, stood at an intersection and stared at me as i approached. I was cruising along the path with such a steady pace that i didn't want to stop, but i accidently made eye contact. Normally an eye contact with a nod of the head is sufficient politeness to strangers, but it didn't seem adequate given that it is easter.
I stopped and pulled out my earphones, then commented on her beautiful puppy. I smiled and knelt down to pet him, and you know the elderly, they start to talk. So i started to talk. And before you know it, a massive conversation evolved. As general courtesy, i asked how her easter's going. I don't know whether it's me being over sensitive, but the old lady hesitated, paused and look down at the puppy. She dodged the question and told me that she lives alone and "patchy" is great company. I felt bad for asking the question, for it seemed to stir up some long lost emotions within her. And then, soon after we departed, i felt an overwhelming desire to spread happiness.
Easter Sunday
So, i drove out to safeway and coles with the purpose of purchasing some chocies for the old lady, but unfortunately, my trip was simply a waste of petrol as none of them were open. Silly me.
Easter Monday
As it is unlike me to give up, i decided to venture out again today to buy the easter eggs. And i did.
Holding onto a box of Rose easter eggs, i walked over to the old lady's house this afternoon and knocked on her door, hoping she remembered me from two days ago. She did. She was by herself at home with patchy, and was clearly overwhelmed and grateful for my random visit. I hope she didn't think i was a stalker of some sort. I handed the chocolates over, talked to her for a good ten minutes, and left.
As i strolled home, i asked myself a question: Why did i just do that? I have no explanation for putting in that effort, time and money, to make a stranger whom i've only randomly met happy, except that i just wanted to. It made me happy and made her happy. And knowing that that favour cannot be returned for she does not know my address or name for that sake, made me even happier. You may call me strange if you wish.
Work shared is halved.
Joy shared is doubled.
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| posted by sciurine @ 1:25 PM |
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| Wednesday |
| false reality - a frame of mind |
When you say you're okay, do you really mean it? Is it just your own method of coping with it for the meantime, until you realise that you're really not okay? Or you say it when you are truly okay?
Okay is such a funny word.
Sometimes we can get caught up with what's real and what's simply a figament of imagination. We've all had the odd times when you wake up in the morning from a scarily realistic dream, only to find that we had been sleeping the whole time. But have you ever thought that maybe we are still in a dream right this moment. Everything's fake, everything will sort itself out, everything is gonna be okay when you finally decide to wake up? Or maybe that thought is simply an attempt through which one is fooling onself, and just wishing that reality is not reality. And when will you decide to wake up? In fact, is that decision really in your hands and under your control? Often, it's not.
For the strong, perhaps they are able to bend the so called fourth dimension, and decide to with their enormous will power, to wake up whenever they wish. But for the weak, it's not that simple. It requires hard work, constant fighting, enormous effort, and thus, it is no wonder why so many give up fighting the war. In forfeiting, they have put a halt to their lives, and resort to the far-from-ideal solution of going with the wind, wherever it may take them. But that is dangerous.
Maybe the one with the magnificent power of bringing us back to reality is Herself evil, and takes joy in seeing you asleep admist the dangers. Watching you stumble through, struggling to get by, yet not lending you a hand and helping you dodge the bullets that may come your way. But alas, you are still lost in a false reality. The longer She makes you stay in this frame of mind, the more enjoyment she experiences, and the chances of Her waking you up to reality gradually diminish. But remember, the longer you spend there, the harder it is to come out of it. But what can you do when you consider yourself to be weak? The answer is nothing. You will lose the fight.
To overcome this evil force that is slowly dragging you down into forever darkness, you must learn to be strong. It is easier said than done. You attempt once and you fail. Then you attempt again, and again, and continue thriving until you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Who knows how long that tunnel may be? Perhaps the light is just a corner away in which case, it will be silly for one to give up now. But perhaps it's still a marathon away. The tunnel is filled with silent, deadly darkness and cleverly placed obstacles, and the only way to survive is to keep persisting. You may trip and you may stumble. But so long as you find your ground, get up and keep going in the right direction, the opening is awaiting you.
Knowing trees, i understand patience.
Knowing grass, i understand persistence.
You may have both the patience and persistence to get there. But all you need is encouragement and assistance. Someone to simply put out their hand once in a while to help you when you stumble, to guide you when you lose your way, to yell at you when you shrivel up and feel the urge to turn around and go back to the beginning. Sometimes, an encouraging word is all that is necessary. But without it doesn't always mean failure. It just means that it will take longer to get back up after a stumble, take more positive self talk and will power to guide yourself through. Stand alone yet not be afraid. But that is not for the weak to try, for they will fail.
note: i'm not proof reading this post 'cause i can't be bothered. in fact, 'cause i think it's so much crap compiled into one write up that crap entangles onto more crap and the whole thing suddenly becomes even more crapier than the crap it started off with. do not be worried if you struggle to understand me, for i am still trying to understand myself. |
| posted by sciurine @ 11:24 PM |
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| Just curious... |
A question brought up at the dinner table:
Why is Jesus born on the same date every year, but ascends heaven on different date every year? |
| posted by sciurine @ 7:44 PM |
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| mind over matter |
I think i'm beginning to understand and partially believe in the psychological model of health. When you really put your mind to something, no matter how difficult or overwhelming it may seem, you will achieve it. That is something i proved to myself this weekend.
I don't know what came over me when i decided to embark on the 15.2km run over bridges, under tunnels and on freeways, instead of the comfortable 3.4km scenic route around a shady park. I think it's your fault, but for that i guess i need to thank you.
Having never ever trying to run so far in my life, i was nervous, anxious, dreading yet excited as Sunday approached. Three years ago, i barely made it to the finish line of a 1.6km run, which for me, was a half jog-half walk exercise in high school phys ed classes. I told myself that i'd be happy if i made it to the 10km mark, then walked the rest, but alas, when you start you don't want to stop. With 26,000 other runners beside you, an enormous wave of motivation and encouragement flow right through you, and with it, you feel no pain and no fatigue. As you can probably tell, i was estatic with my result, not because of how i placed or how quickly i ran, but simply the overwhelming satisfaction knowing that i completed the race. It was more of a self-rewarding experience.
Time: 1:32.00
Placing: 2925 of 14,123 females
Here's some pictures to illustrate the magnificent event i was once a part of:
Runners starting their watches
The other 26,000 await the green light
A kilometre out of this tunnel, a row of men emptied their bladders against the citylink tollway wall. If only i had a camera on me!
A long unhill climb onto Bolte Bridge
Not long to the finish line
A kids stroll in the park; a mother's lengthy run
A minor contribution of $34 each, but a major effort. We raised AU$536,369 for the Good Friday Appeal for Royal Children's Hospital! |
| posted by sciurine @ 6:48 PM |
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| ABOUT |
Thoughts, ...flowing slowly and gracefully, ...awakening the senses, ...keeping you up in the night, I sometimes wonder why people write. To express? To reflect? To be heard? I write, to free myself from a world of thoughts.
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