| Tuesday |
| a stroll back in time |
Today, I wore part of my school uniform into uni. I woke up this morning, opened up my suit case and carefully pulled out my school uniform. Unfortunately bits of it was missing, but nonetheless i managed to put something together. I put on my polo top and massively stretched and deformed baggy green jumper and stared at myself in the mirror. Yes, the asian inside me came out: 景物仍舊; 人面全飛. It translates to something like; "Everything remains the same, but the person has changed."
I remember the last school assembly. I recall the moment myself and the other two school captains raised the school banner, and held it high in front of the entire school with the school song in the background, the moment that marked our official graduation where we will no longer be called OLSH students, but instead, ex-OLSHies. I mumbled to the song with tears drizzling down my cheeks. Apparantly i made many of the year 12s cry. Crying is contagious. I cried 'coz i was afraid. I was afraid of the thought of not seeing these teachers and friends i've spent last 6 years of my life with, i was afraid of stepping into a whole new surrounding and outside my comfort zone, and i was afraid of changing.
But today, as the chinese proverb flowed through my mind, i felt nothing but detachment. I look at myself in the mirror and i can truly say i'm happy for the way i have changed. I no longer feel sad for having to leave OLSH behind, instead, i'm grateful for how it's helped me in becoming the person i am now. I know it sounds rather strange, and somehow corny to love my secondary school this much, 'coz most people i speak to were either completely disengaged and didn't care, or they absolutely despised their school and couldn't wait to leave. I had a chance to change schools back in year 9, and no matter how much my parents brainwashed me into changing, i refused. And i believe that's one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life.
This polo shirt reminds me of a lot. I have a lot of comments on this shirt that greeted me as a "bully." I feel the need to explain myself. I wasn't a bully; in fact, i was the victim to the many bullies around me. In year 12, everytime i accidently drifted off to sleep in physics classes, my teacher, Phillip, would either 1) yell at me, 2) freak me out with 'the organ man' or 3) pour water into my ear. He was the bully who got everyone calling me a bully.
And the comments on my shirt that was directed to "cripple", that's simply referring to my experience on crutches, my passion in sports and numerous accidents/falls due to my overwhelming passion. Whether it's soccer, cricket,volleyball, badminton, netball, basketball, and softball, i have not failed to injure myself either because i would continually dive for every ball until the end of the game, or someone shoves me over. And i have scars to prove it.
If i am to name three things i truly miss from high school besides friends, it'll probably be my physics class where i was constantly being bullied, religion classes where discussions often drifted off to topics involving sex education, and my sporting teams.
But no matter now, i am happy now as the person i am, and wouldn't want to go back anymore. I guess i've managed to reach the other island on this matter.
Whilst on this topic of islands, one of my several reasons for feeling all of a sudden empty and lost, is because of my lack of direction in life. I had this dilemma - monolemma more so - a couple of months ago and i thought it was solved. Refer to this post. My faith is once again shaken after speaking to a few other colleagues on this topic. One of them, after transferring into physio after a year of science/arts explained to me why her faith in physiotherapy was also tethering onto nothing. She's even applied for internal transfers for next year. Apparantly, a lot of second years are also going through this phase. In my opinion, second year is almost like the 'point of no return' for most physio students. It is the year that we are introduced to the real profession and treatment techniques, and it is now that students decide whether they truly believe in it or not. If they were to drop out, 2nd year will be the year. If they stay, they will most likely finish the degree. I'm staying; but i can't see my education ending in two years time.
That's enough for now. However much i question what we learn, i still have to study and aim to past my prac exam.
Just had an argument with Mum =( Not happy. I guess it'll be a silent treatment for us both for what's left of tonight. *sighs*
But before i go, just to cheer myself up at the expense of a certain male, check out these sexy pics:
Not a bad uniform...
until you see the other half... |
posted by sciurine @ 8:20 PM   |
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| 3 Comments: |
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wow. so quick! and omg i look so stupid.
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ahaha...stupid is an under-statement! I spent 3.5hours on it, but still yet to get around to changing my profile! ahhh!
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ahahha...can't possibly hold back from posting the photo up and embrassing him!
Yeah, I'm having a couple of catch ups with my school mates as soon as all my exams are over. I guess it depends on how much you know your old school friends or how close you were once with them; coz unfortunately, sometimes with these get-togethers i feel slightly out of place. It's like you don't know what's going on in their life anymore and there's not many topics of conversation you can actually sustain, comfortably. I know this is a flaw of mine, but it's part of my personality; I hate making effort to try maintain conversations - although i will - but i prefer to feel comfortable in talking and ramble on without feeling awkward and effortful.
Then again, there are a few friends who i'll die to catch up with again - those of whom i can talk to over dinner without awkward silences - and i'll defin(i)tely make that effort these holidays.
In terms of a bright future - i'd like to think so and i believe that it'll come...eventually. It's all about belief, faith, passion, perserverence and determination right now. And i stick with it =)
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Thoughts, ...flowing slowly and gracefully, ...awakening the senses, ...keeping you up in the night, I sometimes wonder why people write. To express? To reflect? To be heard? I write, to free myself from a world of thoughts.
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wow. so quick! and omg i look so stupid.