| Sunday |
| if only i was a bear |
I had such an interesting day today:
Woke up at 9am. Got out of bed at 9:30am.
Ate.
Drove to my students' house for two hours of tutoring, which lasted 2.5 hrs instead.
Came home at 12:45pm.
Ate.
Napped for 5 hrs.
Woke up.
Ate.
Blog.
Ready for bed.
I'm physically exhausted after such a busy week; i even called shopping off! Crazy, i know. If only i was a bear, then all the accumulated hours of over-sleeping last week could possibly been put to use this week. |
posted by sciurine @ 8:04 PM   |
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| Saturday |
| a few glorious seconds of my life |
| He is so cute. I can't believe i spent so long waiting to just get a glimpse of him, just to stroll past him with a 1m desk separating the two of us. Omg, he smiled at me. I yanked out my camera phone. Forever saved in my phone, Roger Federa. *smiles* |
| posted by sciurine @ 10:40 PM |
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| Wednesday |
| it's not always as good as it sounds... |
I'm not quite sure how i'm managing to muster up any energy to write this post after a long day at work yesterday; perhaps it's the mocha-burst i'm getting at the moment or maybe like a heroin addict, no matter how lifeless i am, i still need my fix of blogging to feel complete.
Yesterday was my first day working as a program seller at the open, and trust me, it's hardly as fun as it sounds. Firstly, i haven't worn a uniform for two years since graduating from high school and secondly, after quitting maccas, i have never had to listen or follow anyone's instructions at work. Yesterday, i had to do both.
Small talk
Work began under the nice morning sun, stacking and organising program booklets with a nice girl i was paired up with. She was the most conversable person there and we laughed and joke with one another as though we had know eachother for years. For a glimpse of a second with her, i was actually excited about spending the day there yelling enthusiastically selling programs. But my luck ran out an hour into my shift when i was told that i'm actually supposed to be at the stand inside the vodafone arena with another guy, Ryan. Great, i thought for a second - out of the sun into an airconditioned arena.
I met Ryan and the two of us sat down inside, again stacking booklets as the way-too-excited tennis fans start accumulating outside the gates that were due to open in an hour's time. I tried to make conversation with this young lad still completing his VCE, but all i got were hardly one sentence answers. I stopped talking for a few minutes and he made no attempt. Being my friendly self and realising i will be spending another four hours with this guy, i figure i'll try again.
Me: "So what subjects are you taking this year?"
Ryan: "Umm..ecomonics, p.e, methods, english, biology..."
Me: "cool, keeping your options open. You know what you wanna get into?"
Ryan: "Hoping to do physio"
Massive wave of relief swept through me, realising that we have a common interest to build our conversation over. Physio saved the day, i tell you. Conversation unravelled and he actually started talking.
Sales
I think i would make quite an excellent sales person if i really wanted to - if. I strolled slowly around the arena holding the programs high up in the air - sort of yelling - at least for the first two hours. With plenty of practice back in high school, i can project my voice quite loudly. Though not shouting at the top of my voice - simply because of the lack of enthusiasm - i realised i grasped the attention of many tennis fans, and before i know it, i was surrounded with customers, whilst lazy Ryan shouted occasionally, waiting for customers to come to him. That was until he realised i was making a lot more sales than him, and it was then that he decided to swap places with me so that he walks around selling while i straddle around our stand waiting. As the fans died down, we did too. A couple of hours into selling, however much enthusiasm we had to begin with dropped to nil. We both decided to wait for customers to come to us behind the stand rather than making the effort of walking around and yelling. We chatted and laughed and couldn't care less if we sold any programs - if people wanted to purchase a program booklet, they will come to us, i thought.
At one stage, our supervisor came around and told me off for leaning on the stand, looking unprofessional. We waited for her to go before Ryan and i bursted out laughing. Each time we spotted the event managers around the corner, we would somehow muster up the energy again to yell, walk, smile and actually do what we were supposed to do, but only until the managers disappeared around the other corner. With a sigh of relief, Ryan and i would return to our stand and wait again. By the end of the shift, i experienced dejavu, a compelling sense of familiarity smiliar to what i felt after my first shift working at Big W - i don't want to come back tomorrow. Fortunately, this time i don't need to type up a resignation letter after two weeks, 'cause it'll be over by then.
Thank goodness. |
| posted by sciurine @ 8:24 AM |
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| Tuesday |
| annoying creatures of this earth |
If you are a fly, then fly properly damn it! Don't hover around peoples' noses in slow motion as if you trust us so much that we won't dirty our hands in killing you. We will. You have made me so paranoid now that every strand of hair that blows into my face, i shake my head and wave my hands about as if i'm a crazy women on the streets suffering from spontaneously impulsive cervical cramps.
If you want to die, then die quietly somewhere else. *grunts* |
| posted by sciurine @ 8:42 PM |
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| Monday |
| Oz Open |
Slipping on my Australian Open uniform, i stared absent-mindedly into the mirror at myself. I looked like a kid in my bright orange top, basketball shorts and sunnies. A complex mixture of enthusiasm, excitment and uneasiness flowed through me. I wasn't sure exactly how i'm supposed to be feeling; if there is ever a correct feeling. I was certainly excited a few hours ago, but now, i think i'm somewhat dreading tomorrow's first morning shift.
A few months ago whilst trying my luck looking for new students to tutor, i chanced upon a website that was recruiting australian open program sellers. I have never been to the AusOpen let alone know what the such a prestigious position of program seller meant. I applied anyway; just to experience the thrill of the interviewing process. Luckily, i was one of the many who were selected  to attend a group interview.
Under the influence of peer pressure, i almost fell into the temptation of watching Grey's Anatomy at College and let my only chance of getting the job inadvertently slip away. But somehow i resisted. I rushed to the group interview, arriving at the Herald Weekly Towers a few minutes late, sweating from dashing around in the 35 degree celcius heat outside. Nonetheless, i made it there. Unaware of what to expect, a group of 25 of us prospective employees were ushered into a large broadroom. We sat around making small talk with those around us, trying to ease the rather tense and competitive atmosphere. Being one of the 'elders' of the pack, i felt slightly out of place in a room full of Year 11 and Year 12 students in their blazers.
After a few long minutes of more subtle desperate attempts at making conversation with our neighbouring strangers who may well be our future workmates, a strict looking middle-aged lady walked up on stage, whose voice projected like standing waves sweeping through the room. Who needs a microphone? After a short introduction and low down on what the role of a program seller incorporated, we were instructed to flip our name tags over and look at the words behind it. Mine said Singer - like or dislike.
Kathy: "Okay, now guess what? (excitedly) Everyone's going to make a 1 minute speech on the topic on the back of your name tags. On stage."
Me: thinking, crap crap crap, what did i get myself into...
Kathy: "We'll be taking notes. Now this is your chance to show what a good program seller you will be. If you don't think you can do this, then you shouldn't consider this job. Those of you can leave now if you wish, but if you stay, you'll have to be enthusiastic."
Me: scanning around the room, praying that someone would walk out, whom i would gratefully follow with relief.
Kathy: "Okay, let's start from this side of the room."
Me: crap.
Like all my other previous public speaking encounters, i spoke, though loudly, my voice was obliviously shaking against my will, i was trembling with nervousness and my palms were sweating profusely. I spoke about nothing; just hopelessly stringing together a whole bunch of words, forming what is know as broken sentences. I've had so many chances of improving my public speaking skills at high school as captain, but never have i taken it seriously. Nor did i have the ability to improve.
Miraculously, my appalling attempt at talking in front of a small class won me the job.  I am an official australian open program seller. And tomorrow is my first shift. Apparently we are awarded with something (fingers crossed that they are free passes) if our sales exceed last years'. I think the incentives of being a part of the aussie open is what i actually look forward to; free passes, icy poles, free everything - not the actual job itself.
I am nervous, excited, anxious, and longing...for a sleep in.
Wish me luck. |
| posted by sciurine @ 7:58 PM |
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| Wednesday |
| smash the penguin |
If you wish to cure holiday boredom, or simply looking for something to fill in time, check this game out. Juvenille, i know, but addictive and com'on, you get to smash the penguins!
Go to google >> type in "optus turbocharge games" >>get addicted |
| posted by sciurine @ 9:13 PM |
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| Tuesday |
| photos. gone. |
| Photos are memories. Memories that one refuse to forget for a lifetime, until alzheimers strike. I look back at the photos i have and recall each moment so vividly that i often let out some kind of smile or muffled self giggling, or they occasionally throw me into a melancholy mood where unintended tears are shed over some long lost happy times. But out of the hundreds i took last year, less than a quarter remain embedded in my memory collection, the rest disappeared along with a failure of the hard drive, never to be looked upon again. |
| posted by sciurine @ 3:27 PM |
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| Monday |
| offsetting our carbon to save the world? |
I have recently chanced upon an article that strongly endorses the idea of carbon offsetting by the Climate Friendly company. The proposal is simple. Climate Friendly will be offering services to calculate the amount of carbon an individual or business emits, then offsets this by investing in a renewable energy project to prevent the equivalent amount from being released into the atmosphere. Sounds like a clever idea, doesn't it?
Well, it essentially comes down to the penny. For every international and domestic flight we aboard, each individual will need to pay a surcharge to cover for the cost of an offset. Same applies to driving cars, taking public transport, cooking et cetera et cetera. Apparently this proposal empowers each one of us polluters of the world to take responsibilty for our own emissions. How realistic is this solution to climate change? I have my doubts. Surely this is some sort of solution, but simply a solution to allow customers to rid their guilt of poluting the world, without truly attempting to change their environmentally destructive behaviours. It is likened to "giving money to the RSPCA so you can keep kicking your dog."
Be a judge for yourself. |
| posted by sciurine @ 10:13 PM |
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| Friday |
| i never do the right thing, do i? |
There was a very uncomfortable, awkward, and unwelcoming silence around the house today. Dad and my two brothers were at work, so that left Mum and i at home. Normally, it's a nice girl's time together where mum just long-windedly blab on and complain about my older brother, how he never contributes to the family and how she can't wait till he moves out, but today was different; she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It's strange/funny that when one thing goes wrong, a million others follow. Is it one of those murphy's laws again? I had a terrible start to the day with a phone call and everything from there onwards went down hill.
Typical conversations today with mum went like this:
Me: cheerily, "mum, i'm going out for a run. Be back soon."
Mum: silence.
I leave.
Come back. Take out some socks i bought the other day.
Me: "Look, i brought new socks."
Mum: crankily, "well then throw out your old socks, or else you just keep buying and keep piling it up. you're a girl you know, you need to keep your room clean. You always go out when you have free time, why don't you...la la la.."
I couldn't make out the rest of the lecture 'cause i decided to do my routine walk away from the noise source move. I wonder how the socks triggered such cranky talk.
Desperately attempting to be a good girl, i decided to hand wash all my worn clothes, after which i went up to mum, again.
Me: nicely, "i'm gonna change my bed sheets, anything you need to put in the washing machine?"
Mum: grunts.
Me: *sighs*
Mum: "don't you sigh at me. i raised you up and looked after you and blah blah blah."
Still awaiting an answer. No answer. Fine. Walks away from crime scene.
A moment later
Mum: yells from the kitchen, "why don't u take your doona out in the sun for a while as well. you know you should do all these things yourself. I'm not going to care about it anymore. you're old enough..la la la.."
Me: wtf?
A few moments later
Me: "how about i make lunch for us today?"
Mum: rather angrily, "what?"
Me: "i saw some vegies and stuff in the fridge, i'll just put today a tuna pasta salad. You want some too?"
Mum: "do whatever you want."
Me: *darts eyes*
Silence.
I honestly have no idea what to make of our conversations today, if they can even be classified as conversations as such. It's not like i've been particularly rebellious these few days. I admit, sometimes i do have attitude but i never talk back. Never. I obey them. I wake up at 6:50am a few days a week to drive my younger brother to work, i drive mum and dad to the station and pick them up, i let them take my car whenever they need it, i do my chores, i pay my monthly contribution to the family even when i have hardly any income, i pay the water bills. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. Should i be doing more? Have i done the wrong thing and if so, what exactly is the right thing to do?
I just don't understand. It tears me up to bits on the inside. Don't get me wrong, i know they love me and all, but it's just moments like today that i feel shredded to pieces.
I never seem to do the right things these days. Never. Everything is wrong in one way or another, no matter how hard i try. When bad things happen between friends, you can find escape in the comfort of your own home, but when bad things happen at home, where do you escape to?
I am full of hatred at the moment. And tears are welling up inside of me. Luckily, my Blue Day Book offers me some consolation at times like these. I'm going to spend the next two hours out in some unknown park immersing myself into a novel of some kind. My way of escape and freedom. Just wished i had some company, someone to just sit in silence with me.
Oh well. |
| posted by sciurine @ 5:21 PM |
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| Wednesday |
| rethinking the definition of privacy |
Have you ever paused half way through a deep and meaningful and have a good look at who you are actually speaking to? Until today, i haven't. I've realised how strange it is that i feel so free in expressing the deepest of my thoughts to friends, workmates, and even strangers, but not to my parents. It's not 'cause we're not close or anything. They're loving, caring and understanding, but i simply refuse to sit down and let them know what really goes through my mind. In fact, it has come to the extent where i can confidently claim that my friends probably know me better than my family in some respect. Sad, but i assume it's one of those phases a teenager goes through. Now is a perfect example. As i hit the publish button on the post, i am sharing my thoughts to potentially millions of people out there, millions of strangers, but i do not hesitate for a second.
We are currently in an era of advancing technology, and as we become more and more tolerant of online openness, we witness a shift in attitudes and a rethinking of what we consider private. Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, Blogger et cetera are interconnecting millions and millions of people around the globe, converting what is a big world into a small one. We meet friends of friends of friends over instant messenging, read and leave comments on stranger's blog.
As newspapers report more stories about students being kicked out of their courses and bloggers being sacked because of their online revelations, users like us, might well feel compelled to tighten up on our online privacy and reconsider the issues we blog about. However, what we witness is the complete opposite. Blog posts are becoming more and more personal, with random people openly revealing their work, family, school and sex life, sexual orientations, photos of their bodies, drugs, and alcohol usage. It may even be wise if detectives consider investing in a blogosphere unit, where they examine suspects' blogs and read about how they grow their weeds, what drugs they use and how they traffic it. If only such personal information can be presented as reliable evidence in the face of the judge in court.
Obviously, we are not as naive to believe everything we read. Some are true and others are a load bullshit, but that doesn't matter anymore in today's society. With such rapidly advancing technology, the line separating what is real and what is virtual is gradually fading. Who cares whether or not the blog we are reading is true or a figment of someone's imagination, it's simply another form of entertainment. |
| posted by sciurine @ 9:54 PM |
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| Monday |
| just another plain old day |
In comparison to last year's new years, this year sucked. In fact, more precisely, this year's festive season seemed a little dull to me. Nothing interesting, nothing exciting.
They say you don't need alcohol to have a good time, but yesterday, i think i could've done with just a tad in my system to stop the squirrel in my attic from rattling. To be honest, i'm just glad i didn't spend it by myself at home slouched on the couch, watching the count down and listening to the popping of champagne bottles in my neighbouring households.
A few months ago, i had grand plans for what was supposed to be a very special day today at the back of my mind. Sometimes, it's bad to make plans for the future, or sometimes, it's silly to even think too far ahead, for who knows what lies just around the corner, and the more excited you get over your plans, the more painful it is to see it fail. Today, i woke up at noon, lying in bed watching the ceiling in silence, feeling, hmm..i guess a little depressed. Time by yourself means time to think; and time to think is bad. So i picked up a Time magazine and immersed myself in some intellectual discussion about politics and the media. Rather boring i must admit, but it did help me past time. What a glorious start to the new year, but i'm certain it's uphill from here.
Most exciting thing this new year?
One, driving home at night without prescription glasses, straining my eyes so much that they ended up watering by the end of my fifteen minute trip. Two, receiving an overseas phone call from a friend i miss very much.
Chin up soldiers =) |
| posted by sciurine @ 9:21 PM |
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| ABOUT |
Thoughts, ...flowing slowly and gracefully, ...awakening the senses, ...keeping you up in the night, I sometimes wonder why people write. To express? To reflect? To be heard? I write, to free myself from a world of thoughts.
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